And We're Back

Whew, not a good few days. Sunday night I had another bout of this stomach thing I get from time to time. Sick as a dog. I called in yesterday. Still a little weak and shaky today. Drinking lots of water.

Tons of miscellaneous weirdness in the air; and not just involving R. I'm going to bed soon.

A Bit Better

After a good spin class (almost full, they applauded, no less than three hot guys...) feeling a bit better. Also went to bed early last night and watched a couple eps of Jonny Quest (somehow not as scary now as when I was a kid).

According to my caller ID, R. called at 10:40 last night. I didn't even hear the phone ring. Going out to dinner with Jake and Steven tonight, then maybe one drink then bed early again. I'm certainly not going to that party that R. will probably be attending.

Still Here

Though apparently some woman jumped in front of a Metro train this morning. Ewg, I wouldn't try that. Too much chance of just ending up mained, and so in much worse shape than you started out. Plus, how inconsiderate--snarling up the Red Line for an entire morning (granted she waited until 9:10, but still).

Decisions

Yesterday Shigeki was sweet enough to send me the mp3 of 'The Stress' (which is already my new favorite J-pop song), otherwise it was just another 'get-by' day. Today, the highlight (perhaps oddly) will be my Metro ride downtown to a client, and a couple of personal errands while there.

This weekend is shaping up to be a difficult one for me. There's the party Saturday that R. might be going to (he IM'ed me last night; I ignored him; I just can't deal with him right now). I was going to go, but now I seriously doubt I am going to put myself in a possibly devastating situation. And Jake is coming to town. I'd like to see him, but there's some issues arising there that are making me uncomfortable. So I'll probably spend the weekend at home in avoidance mode.

My depression is getting worse. When I tell people I feel depressed, they almost invariably as 'why?' I've gotten tired of trying to explain that people with clinical depression are just depressed (though sometimes external events can trigger a plunge into a deeper episode; one doctor said I actually have Dysthymia, a milder but more persistent form of depression that can sometimes turn to full-blown clinical depression. This seems plausible, though that diagnosis was after only one interview. The doctor who first prescibed meds for me [max-dose Zoloft] thought I had clinical depression). Life is different for us: nothing seems very hopeful, the future seems pointless. Most days we get by, but sometimes just getting out of bed in the morning is a huge effort. Right now I'd love to be back there with the hades pulled down.

I know I should probably go back to a doctor, but my current insurance doesn't cover it. And I don't even want to try antidepressants again, The side effects are not worth it.

Right now I'm just focusing on getting through the day, going home, and getting in bed. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this.

Oh Safari

Oh Safari, why have you failed me so?

Actually, I suppose it's not Safari, per se, which has failed in this case. I was trying to tweak the posting date on a blg entry the other day, and through an IM conversation with VUBOQ, discovered that yes indeed the Blogger date adjusting feature (which I know used to be there) was missing from my window, and present--along with a bunch of formatting features--on his Windowz IE window. Filled with hesitation, I downloaded Firefox for the Mac. Coincidentally, they had just released 2.0. While it downloaded, I sniffed around at the Blogger site, and discovered that Safari is only partially supported. Humpf.

So I loaded up Firefox and it seamlessly copied over my bookmarks. Sure enough, I had all the Blogger features. And Firefox does seem to have some nicer pop-up blocking powers... I feel like a traitor.

Virgin defers A380 by four years

The most interesting thing about this article to me is the list of orders, and that the "Emirates" airline was ordering nearly 3x as many planes as the next largest airline. And yes, it is the airline of the United Arab Emirates. What do they need with all those gigantic planes? 43 flying harems?

Probably not a good thing...

...when I wake up in the morning and the first thing I think of is "I can't wait till tonight when I can get back in bed and go to sleep."

I slept pretty well, though I had some weird and unpleasant dream involving routers. Network routers and ports and IP addresses, and gazillions of little blinking green lights. Urgh.

Need more coffee...

Hubble

Looks like the venerable Hubble Telescope might get a Reprieve

Dazed & Confused

I'm kind of in a fog today, so it's probably just as well that I don't have any client appointments. I've just been hanging around the office, doing a little research and some writing, and chatting. The whole deal with R. is really on my mind. But Jake is coming to DC this weekend, and maybe we will hang out Saturday, and I won't think about what R. will no doubt be up to.

I went to my usual deli/coffeeshop for lunch and the hot young Korean guy wasn't having a very good day either. I think they were short a person or something, because he was running all over the place, and got a little snappy with one guy who wanted to change his order. I think it will be another early to bed night... I have class at 6:30 anyway, so I'll need to turn in early.

Okay, back to work.

Weirdness

Had a long IM conversation with R. last night; he'd been after me to pick a new IM icon for him, and a couple days later he still had the old one. Then, as he sometimes does, suddenly he called me. He wanted something that looked like an atom and then he said 'nukular' like our president does. I said "don't say that! It's 'noo-clear'. Bush says 'nukular'." He got irritated and said "who has the advanced degree here?" I said "so what? it's in business not science." And then he said "You don't know what my undergraduate degree is in." True, though I doubted that was in physics either. Then he said "either one is correct." And I said no, that is not correct." He was just pulling stuff out of his ass, and clearly pissed off at me for correcting him. It's not like he mispronounces a lot of words, or he has an accent. He talks like a California surfer actually; he has no Asian accent at all.

He gets weirdly defensive sometimes, and says things that I know to be untrue, just making stuff up to rationalize things. It's a little creepy. And after a half-hour phone conversation he basically hung up on me because I said I really needed to get back to work (and stop looking for an IM chat icon for him). No goodbye from him, just click. He must know that's not just a rude thing to do, but to someone who might consider himself at least a friend you've known almost a year, it's just mean and self-centered.

There's a party Saturday, thrown by the same gay couple who's party last December is where I met R. (and we went home together), He says he isn't sure if he is going, but I'm leaning more and more towards not going, because I don't want to see him there and have to witness what he gets into.

It's all very depressing.

Crane vs West

In an earlier comment, Anonymous (who is that guy, Anonymous?) asked: Who was hotter, David Hedison or Mark Goddard?

After watching the 'Unaired Pilot' of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea (which was, interestingly, in color, while the first season on TV was in B&W) I was leaning back towards Captain Crane. He looked quite handsome when he smiled (which happened less and less as the show got more ridiculous). However, I have to stay with Mark Goddard as Maj. Don West. I liked his bad attitude, the way he constantly wanted to kill Dr. Smith, the way he would slouch around, and his ass looked good in a spacesuit and regular 'planetoid' clothes. Hedison had no ass, sadly. There were two other kinda hot guys on VttBotS: Kowalski and Chip.

Spock's Mother

The wonderful Jane Wyatt, who played Spock's mother on TOS and The Voyage Home, has died. :-(

Flasher

Okay, sorry for the bad puns.

I got a copy of Macromedia Adobe Flash MX 2004 and a book, and I'm hoping to teach myself some basics over the next few days. It's been something I've been meaning to learn for ages, and just never gotten around to it (and not had access to a recent version). Obviously it's not something I'll master in a week, but I do want to gain some familiarity.

In other news, I stopped by my old office today since it was on the way from a morning appt and work. The reason for my visit was that I had failed to update my shipping address on Amazon, and birthday gifts from my sister went there. It was just a little bit weird and awkward... some new faces there. And they were all in shock because I was actually dressed nicely.

Tam got me the first seasons of Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea and the original, classic Jonny Quest. Thanks Tam! Fun trivia fact: did you know that Jonny Quest was first shown in prime time?

Weight

I feel like I'm putting on weight, and I do not like it, Sam-I-am.

I can still wear the 32" pants and still use the same belt-hole, but it's getting a little tighter. I blame a combination of not getting my daily 2-mile walk, and eating/drinking too much stuff not good for me. (Usually the culprit, eh? Too many calories in, not enough exercise.) You'd think 4 spin classes a week would do the trick, but noooo.

On a related note, I'm eagerly awaiting my import of Days so I can do my J-pop spin mix. The kids will probably hate it, but what can you do. Not too much on the agenda for the weekend, though supposed to have lunch with a friend Saturday after spin class. I might do a little shopping while I'm downtown too.

Oh and on the new portion of my route, I drive along the Georgetown Reservoir, and next to it is this strange castle, apparently built by the Army Corps of Engineers. Our tax dollars at work.

Have a good weekend everyone!

TK

Another Year Older...

...and deeper in debt.

So I survived another birthday (barely). I didn't do much, just chatted with Jake and stayed up too late. R. IM'ed me with his usual abruptness, demanding to know why I was still up. I told him I was online, and I think he made some sort of smart remark about what was I doing online. I told him chatting and it was my birthday. He said I should have told him, he would have sent a stripper. I told him he could come over and do it, he was so good at it. I think he took it as a compliment (it kind of was). But it was midnight and I had to get up at 5 for class, so no hot Chinese studboi striptease for me.

On a positive note, I tried a slightly different way home and it bypassed the single most frustrating backed-up intersection and took me along this scenic reservoir... and right by a Citibank! I had been looking for a convenient branch.

Well, back to work. I have 'assignments' today...

The Fun's Not Over Yet

More hilarity from Wonkette

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but if the Dems win both houses, do you think they'll initiate impeachment proceedings? Can they go after Cheney too?

We can dream.

A TiVo Tidbit

At our daily work meeting (where we tend to talk about just about anything, and not just our recent and upcoming client visits), one of my fellow consultants started complaining about Comcast and how the picture would freeze and the sound dropped out.

So if there was any doubt before, it's gone now: the picture freeze that I had attributed to my olod TiVo hard drive dying was in fact just crappy Comcast reception. Still, I'm glad I have that big new drive in there, and I hope my old Sony Tivo lasts a few more years...

Commuted

So I took the Metro home last night. It actually took about ten minutes longer, but it was stress-free and a nice walk home. And I rode in this morning: again pleasant despite a light rain, and I could leave home half an hour later because traffic isn't an issue I could bring something to read too, since it's a much longer metro ride up the Red Line than the commute to my last job, and the train is mostly empty; I can actually sit.

Oddly though the trip this morning put me in one of those introspective moods (maybe because driving/listening to NPR requires most of my attention). Not particularly depressed, but just kind of stepping back from the day-to-day stress and asking what the point of all this is. I know, we are supposed to make our own purpose, but I guess I find mine to be insufficient. My relationships are mostly pretty minimal; I don't really have any close friends that I keep in regular touch with at this point in my life, and I suppose that's my fault as much as anyone's. I just don't make the effort. It's all just pretty superficial.

So what's the point? Why bother if it's just the same old grind every day? Like I said, I'm not feeling particularly depressed (no more than usual at least) but everything is just seeming more pointless than usual.

Maybe 'cause tomorrow is my birthday...

Chilly but not so cold

Brrr! It's 39°F outside, and 67° in here (I normally keep the place at 69 in the winter though and not much point in powering up the furnace since it is supposed to be back in the 70's this week).

Jumped in bed, drank a ton of water (and some seltzer water with lemon, yum), watched like 3 eps of Eureka, caught up on Survivor (yay! both my hot Asian studs are still in the running... loved the extreme close-up of Yul's bicep, and Brad is still beautiful even with facial hair... he's really queening out lately though; didn't take long to drop the butchy act), some Colbert Report (Andrew Sullivan was back on to comment on Repub hypocrisy [Stephen loves him], and George Lucas was on... bizarre.), an ep of Mythbusters (Grant!), and some Avatar. Went to sleep around 10. I'm thinking I was dehydrated yesterday; it's a struggle to drink enough water during my late-week spin class extravaganza. By the end of each class I am literally dripping with sweat.

I'm actually looking forward to commuting home by Metro tomorrow evening, is that sick or what?

Cold

I've been cold all day, and I can't figure out why. It is cooler outside the last few days, but the temp in my condo is the same it's been. Sitting in my second bedroom/home office, I had a space heater going and the temp in the room went up to 80°F, and I was barely comfortable. What's up with that?

I've also had trouble concentrating to get some writing done, which is quite frustrating. Maybe I'll just crawl in bed and catch up on some of my bazillion TiVo'ed shows.

Grant went to GenCon and DragonCon!?

Grant Imahara (ILM model-builder and now tech guy on Mythbusters) is apparently doing the Con circuit as a guest now. I kinda miss going to those gaming cons with ICE. Here's his blog entry about GenCon. I see the attendees are still pretty much the same...

J-pop obsession

Ever since seeing the Eureka-SeveN opening a few weeks ago, I've been on a major J-Pop kick (and, well, the Mischievious Boys did get me started with Tommy and the Coco Lee song, which I guess technically is really C-pop..)

I digress. An internet friend who shall remain nameless (thanks again, S!) kindly shared a Shonen Heart mp3 with me, but I couldn't find the full-length version of the song Days by Flow, the other Eureka seveN opening theme. Amazon listed it but said it wasn't available. But they have this feature where you say how much you are willing to pay and they say they will look for it. I didn't put a whole lot of faith in that, but decided to give it a try. About a week later I get an email confirmation that they found the CD from a dealer in Japan and they are shipping it! And now it is listed on Amazon as available from that dealer. So maybe a real human actually tracks down a source and sets it up? Intriguing.

Friday Quiet Time

It's 8:30 am; I've been alone at the office over half an hour, and our daily meeting isn't until 9, so technically I'm in an hour early. It's worth it to leave home at 7:15 to suffer through less traffic congestion, and during this last half hour I've gotten a lot of good writing done.

The commute home seems to get longer and longer, and more frustrating. However, staring next week, I'm going to try commuting via Metro part of the week. I need to leave my car at the office, but most of the week I don't need it at home anyway, and it's probably better off in a locked garage than in the parking lot at home. I'll drive in Monday morning, Metro Monday night/Tuesday morning/Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, then take the car home Wednesday night so I'll have it for double-spin-class day. Sorry that's all rather involved, but I'm still thinking through the logistics myself.

I'm kind of excited about this, because I miss my 15 minute walk along the bike path in the mornings, and of course the 1/2 hour total of walking exercise every day. The commute by Metro isn't any shorter time-wise, but it's certainly less stressful, both on me and my car. I do have a stick-shift and I'm sure the constant stop-start traffic is killing the clutch. Plus the road along much of my route is very rough (crappy DC maintenance): not good on the suspension.

Asian Heartthrob 2006

Yum

Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis

Today is Ralph Vaughan Williams' birthday! Wouldn't you know, he's another Libra.

I missed it

National 'coming-out' Day was yesterday. I kind of knew about it, but didn't give it much thought during the day. Probably because I was at a client for 9+ hours straight trying to get a bunch of Macs to talk to their Windows server. Fun was had by all. Not. (It would have saved me a couple hours of grief if the IT guys had actually followed my instructions and enabled the Appleshare Serivces For Mac when I first told them, rather than after troubleshooting why the connection wasn't working then asking them "Are you SURE you turned on the Mac Services?" and them saying "Oh. Not yet." Argh.)

Then traffic was sucky of course, and I got home late and was tired. This job makes me mentally tired.

Anyway, back to my original topic. It's not as if I really needed to come 'out' anyway; most people who know me at all know. And I'm not all about being aggressively out at places like work; nor would I deny it.

Yes, I am a Mac user.

In possibly unrelated news, I came upon R.'s in-progress website the other day (yes I Googled him; is that stalking when he's mentioned a couple times that he was plpanning to do a personal site and even asked me for advice about it a couple of times?). So I emailed him and mantioned it and said it was looking nice so far (though it's missing text and is obviously incomplete; I would have had it a little more ready to go before slapping it up on the internet).

He called yesterday and left a message, half-indignant, half-joking, wondering if I had been Googling him. Is he really that naive?

Can You Dig It?

Today is my younger sister's birthday! Email her a birthday greeting if you feel so inclined

Tam and I have always gotten along, even as kids. I'm not sure why, though I think we have similar temperments, and to some extent there was an unconscious 'circle the wagons' when dealing with our unpredictable (Both Gemini) parents, who divorced when I was 11 and she was 7 (Tam, correct me, even I am hazy on the exact time; funny how our memory can fade unpleasant things). Tam and I are both Libras, (my birthday is the 18th) which may also explain how we got along (okay, I don't really buy into astrology all that much; as an absolute atheist I would find it hard to believe in something as equally unscientific as your personality based on the planets... come to think of it, that is marginally more scientific than belief in some super being that has no relation to astronomy.... hmm.

Anyway, Tam and I got along pretty well for siblings. In fact there was a period where we even... played Barbies® together (I probably mentioned this way back somewhere, but hey it's a diary, deal with it).

I came out to her before the parents, when visiting her in TX many years ago and she was surprised (which surprised me; I figured she of anyone whould know). When I came out to my parents a few years later, my mother's response was "Oh I've known for years." Typical.

I didn't intend for this to be all about me! Happy birthday sis!

Wonkette

I almost blew water out my nose. I haven't read Wonkette in awhile; It's freaking hilarious today.

More R.

Guess who went to the Human Rights Campaign annual dinner last Saturday night? R.

Even I've never been to the HRC dinner. He couldn't wait to tell me Sunday online. I could feel my heart beat a little faster when I managed to ask who he went with. He said there were 14 of them who went as a group; his company buys a table every year (it is a fundraiser after all) I said "How 'out' of you." Am I a little jealous and bitter? Sure. I'd have loved to have actually gone to something like that with him.

More on Robert Wone

Big article splashed across the top front of the Metro section of the Washington Post today, though it really doesn't tell us much new, besides a leak of the house owners' account of what happened that night. Poor Robert, how gruesome. And I feel bad for his wife.

I didn't realize it took so long for those DNA tests to come back, this could drag on for months. There's still something very strange about all this. Why would they clean up the scene? At least one of them was a lawyer, he should have known better... and probably did know better... (and now all of them are 'lawyered-up').

It's a Holiday

And yet here I am at work. On the good side, it was easily the best commute ever, but that's because almost everyone else has the day off...

R. got hold of me online last night, and wanted me to come over, watch Voyager and Desperate Housewives. If we'd had today off I might have done it (and slept over; it's been awhile since I got to do that... cuddling in bed with R.: good) but I didn't want to deal with driving back home last night, when I was already kind of tired. And being kind of tired, I also wasn't feeling up to what he was no doubt really interested in.

So I watched some tv and turned in. Unfortunately the roasted chicken I had for dinner didn't agree with me so I kept waking up all night with indigestion. Blah.

Have an appointment with a client this morning, and thank the gods my solution for a client last week worked for them so once again I look like a hero. Yay. I'm gonna go home after work, get in bed and catch up on TV. How sad.

Bonus

I survived another spin class, and there's a super-cute new receptionist at the club, a little Filipino boy.

I had lunch and watched part of Survivor (Brad: still pretty; Yul: still hot) and last week's Lost. WTF is going on with that?

I need to get motivated!

And, ugh, R. just called my cell, then my home number, then my cell again. Don't want to deal with him today.

Alone

One of the most poignant scenes in Under One Roof for me was where Daniel's mother voices her fear that her son will 'end up alone.' And, drawn in to the movie as I was at the moment I thought 'Oh no, poor Daniel, I hope he is never alone, he is too sweet and cute and caring to be alone...' (etc., blah blah).

No one wants to be alone. Even I, who values my alone time so much, sometimes crave companionship. Last Sunday morning just sitting on the couch with Jake and reading the paper, having coffee, and sharing my guilty cartoon pleasure (Xiaolin Showdown) was probably the most fun on an emotional level that I've had in awhile. And I don't even know Jake all that well (he's a sweet guy that I spent Saturday with at the museums, who was a friend of Steven's who was coming down for the weekend and was allergic to Steven's cat, and we had IM'ed for a few weeks...) but we had become friends through IMs over the weeks before, and the long day together Saturday.

ANYWAY, I rarely let anyone into my personal domain of my home. So I felt a little vulnerable but I think we got along ok. So it was nice having him over, and fun to just lounge around Sunday morning. It made me wish for a boyfriend who I could just lounge around with on the sofa in front of the big tv like that every Sunday morning, read the Post, watch tv...

The truth is that most of us are alone. In many ways, we are all alone, even when we are with someone, we hide things and build walls and shields. The relationships we see in movies (straight and gay) are often romanticized 'happily ever after' scenarios that bear no resemblance to reality. I'd give almost anything to be Winston Chao's husband in the Wedding Banquet or to be the tenant Under One Roof.

I moved to DC 14 years ago hoping to find 'mister right,' and the best I have done is a one-year relationship that really was pretty hollow within a couple of months. Hence my yearning to move back to Charlottesville, a beautiful town that at least offers a peace of mind that I don't have here.

I ditched a job I hate for a job that stresses me in other ways. I need to figure out what the hell I am doing, because I am not getting any younger. I am alone, and not always because I want to be.

Part of me still wants to pack it up and 'go west.' San Francisco is like a like a dream to me. Even the street names and neighborhoods sound magical for some reason. Embarcadaro, Folsom, Haight-Ashbury, Castro, Dolores Park, Golden Gate Park, Twin Peaks, Potrero, I have walked all over downtown, and been there in every season and it is like a mystical city to me since I was first there (cough) 20 years ago.

Ah, well.

Under One Roof Review Part 3

I just found a review page with some interesting tidbits of information, including the fact that all the lead actors are in fact gay (which somehow makes it a little nicer; I'm still grappling with the leads of Latter Days being straight) and some additional background.

I survived...

...my first full week of work in months! There were some bumps, but I got to my spin class yesterday with plenty of time. But I'm so tired that I want to go to bed, and it's only 7:30.

On a brighter note, this is my viewing for this weekend. Is anyone surprised at the subject matter? I seriously doubt that it will be an all-time favorite gay movie like Wedding Banquet or even Latter Days, but maybe it will be fun.

I've also got tons of stuff on the TiVo (Jake assures me that Brad on Survivor looks *hot* with a beard-shadow).

UPDATE: REVIEW Just watched Under One Roof (yes I managed to stay awake) and it is really sweet. Predictable, clumsy, stereotypical characters, and uneven acting, but still sweet. The two leads are both endearing, and more attractive on screen than in the pictures. Someting about the Asian reminds me of Harry Kim from Voyager, something about the way he speaks... Anyway. I don't know what it is, but when they first kiss, it's so... beautiful. It's a tender, gentle kiss, not a 'let's jump in bed' kiss, and they do a fine job of seeming to be two gay guys falling for each other. There is some nudity, which was fun but I thought unnecessary (we have porn for that). And of course the SF backdrop makes me swoony. And there was one long shot of that big tripod TV tower (Sutro Tower, thank you Gene!) with the clouds going through it... that thing has fascinated/haunted me since my first visit to SF in 1984. Gawd I want to go back...

UPDATE: REVIEW part 2: If you get the DVD, check out the outtakes! They are quite funny, and the two leads are really cute together. I think I'm in love with little Jay Wong (pretty definitely gay), and he and James Marks seem very comfortable and playful together between takes.

Architecture Lesson

Today is Le Corbusier's birthday! While I was never a big fan of his work (I think the Villa Savoye, at top left, is, frankly, ugly) he was a great contributor to the International Style. In architecture school I got the nickname Mies, because I was a devotee of another famous International Style architect, Mies van der Rohe. Despite the aesthetic differences (I think his Farnsworth House [lower picture] is actually quite beautiful), you can see the stylistic similarities: the vertical supports seem to be separate from the continuous curtain wall (in Corbu's case, the wall is on the exterior, like a screen, while Mies preferred the supports (usually I-beams) on the outside so they did not break the horizontal planes of the floor and ceiling. In both cases, the mass is made to float above the ground. With Corbu this is achieved with an inset, dark core at ground level, where Mies literally has the floors suspended above the ground.

Any questions?

Spo-o-o-ck!

A friend sent me these additional pictures from the Christie's auction that's going on. Some of the stuff looks kind of sad and limp just lying around, though. And the fact that Paramount is finally unloading it all is a pretty good indication that they aren't planning on re-using any of it anytime soon.

You can go to the Christie's site for now here.

Now, can you tell which show/movie each of these models is from? Make your choices in comments below!

Still Tired!

Actually, considering that I woke up approximately 36,000 times last night, I'm not doing too bad. I got to the gym, but the usual free parking spaces were filled, so I had to park in a one-hour and pay, and pray that the DC Ticketistas didn't find my car in that 1/2 hour window. I lucked out! Class was good, all women who seemed ot enjoy it.

Now at the office, got three clients over the next 2 days. I'm still a little worried about getting from the afternoon client to class, but the boss said if I didn't get everything done that I'd have to schedule again (whew).

I really need to try to work on my stressing about things I can't control. Like traffic.

Tired

It's 8 pm and I'm in bed. Granted, I'm sitting up in bed and playing around with my laptop, but I'm gonna turn out the light soon. This will be my first week working full-time, and I'm already tired and stressed and depressed. I really hate the driving.

And, I don't want to get up at 5 tomorrow morning, I'm worried about being late for my evening spin class... what else? I don't know but I feel frazzled. I just want to lie down and go to sleep...

The Pet Shop Boys

Thanks to Hanuman and the Queen for making me look back once again at the PSB album Very. It came out soon after I moved to the big City (DC) and I remember going to JR's still a relatively young naive thing, seeing the 'Go West' video and being all excited and thinking, I really am in gay town.

The jury remains out on where this has all lead me, but I still love and respect the PSB for their songs that have taken me so far. Don't laugh, but at first I didn't even realize what this one was really about, even though it was all about me in college:

Can You Forgive Her?

Another night with open eyes
Too late to sleep, too soon to rise
You're short of breath, is it a heart attack?
Hot and feverish you face the fact

You're in love, and it feels like shame
Because she's gone and made a fool of you in public again
You're in love, and it feels like pain
Because you know there's too much truth in everything she
claims

So ask yourself now: Can you forgive her
If she wants you to?
Ask yourself: Can you even deliver
What she demands of you?

You drift into the strangest dreams
Of youthful follies and changing teams
Admit you're wrong, oh, no, not yet
Then you wake up and remember that you can't forget

She's made you some kind of laughing stock
Because you dance to disco, and you don't like rock
She'd make fun of you, and even in bed
Said she was gonna go and get herself a real man instead

So ask yourself now: Can you forgive her
If she begs you to?
Ask yourself: Can you even deliver
What she demands of you?
Or do you want revenge?
But that's childish, so childish!
(But that's childish, so childish!)

Remember when you were more easily led
Behind the cricket pavilion and the bicycle shed
Trembling as your dreams came true
You looked right into those blue eyes and knew

It was love, and now you can't pretend
You've forgotten all the promises of that first friend
It's bad enough, she knows how you feel
But she's not prepared to share you with the memory

So ask yourself now: Can you forgive her
If she begs you to?
Ask yourself: Can you even deliver
What she demands of you?

Ask yourself now: Can you forgive her
If she begs you to?
And ask yourself: Can you even deliver
What she demands of you?
Or do you want revenge?
But that's childish, so childish! You could do anything...

On a sour note, all those fun J-pop videos on You-tube have been pulled down; apparently evil corporate copyright owners at work. I would buy a DVD of those vids if it was easily available! Hello!

OMG

The Mischievious Boys really are back!

And a new twist, David getting all licky and flirty with Edward? There's one I didn't see coming. David, you know how to reach me...

Tommy, as usual, is the cutest. Thing. Ever. (see shirtless pic)



And Joseph, still the camera hog.

Dreaming of The Queen

Dreaming of the Queen
Visiting for tea
You and her and I
And Lady Di

The Queen said: "I'm aghast
Love never seems to last
However hard you try"
And Di replied

That there are no more lovers left alive
No one has survived
So there are no more lovers left alive
And that's why love has died
Yes, it's true
Look, it's happened to me and you

I dragged my sorry ass to the gym this morning at 6:00 (as in, I got up at 5:15, made coffee, had cereal and was at the gym by 6:00). I didn't do the spin class though; too much. I did 35 mins on the ellipse machine while listening to my J-pop. I felt so much better afterward, as is usual after a good exercise session.

I want to see the new movie with Helen Mirren, The Queen, though I doubt I will actually get to a theater to do so. I love her, but have not seen her in all that much. In fact the other movie that came to mind was The Comfort of Strangers, a bizarro flick set in Venice, with Christopher Walken and Rupert Everett. She was also the Russian commander in 2010...

There was an article in TIME this week linking poor sleep to depression. Previously they believed that depression caused poor sleep, but now they think it may at least partly be the reverse: Not sleeping well leads to depression. I rarely sleep through the night anymore. I go right to sleep initially, but then I wake up during the night and go into a hazy, semi-awake state, then drift off again. Fortunately I haven't had bad insomnia (wake up and can't get back to sleep) in awhile.

Busy Weekend

Jake From NY came down to visit this weekend, I met him at the Metro station Friday evening. I spotted him immediately, not only from his picture but because he was standing on the platform, looking kind of forlorn (in a cute way) and holding out his phone as if demanding that it ring. We rode up to meet Steven in MD, then we had dinner at a Thai restaurant (I had duck; it was tasty but rich, and my stomach was rumbly all night). We headed downtown to Halo (smoke-free gay bar) and had a couple of drinks. We were all kind of tired so we called it a night. I got up early to clean my place, then went to my Spin class. Then I met up with Jake again for lunch and we hit the Mall to see the National Portrait Gallery and the American Indian Museum.

The Portrait Gallery, recently opened, was very cool and interesting. We spent a long time there. The Indian Museum building was very cool on the outside, and the atrium was spectacular. The actual exhibit though seemed kind of chaotic and overwhelming. Also, as Jake pointed out, it was kind of like the holocause museum: all these tribes wiped out or nearly so.

We met Steven, Tomoko and Robert for dinner and margaritas, then went back to Halo for awhile Steven was exhausted from his hair appointment and left, and Robert also bowed out, leaving Tomoko, Jake and me to go to JR's. Ugh, smoky and loud. We didn't stay long. Jake stayed over at my place and on Sunday we just lounged around awhile, watched Xiaolin Showdown and some Harry Potter. Then we went downtown again and met Steven at the Train station to say goodbye to Jake.

Whew! More socializing than I have done in a whole month!